Lifelines

Knitting is my lifeline. Well, to be honest - it's not as much the knitting (I can't believe I'm saying that outloud), as the TIME I get to spend knitting. It's the time. The Me Time. And, it's barely enough.

I hold onto that lifeline tightly. It saves my sanity.

It doesn't have to be a LOT of time, although I readily admit I wish there was more, but I HAVE to have my Me Time. Quiet time alone, when I'm doing exactly what I want, which can be absolutely nothing at all, but the key is I'm alone - and it only happens at the very end of the day, when everyone is settled for bed.

I'm a stay-at-home mom, with three kids, who also works out of my home - and all day long it's about someone else. Truthfully, that's as it should be. My first job is wife and mom. - but the point is, after it being about everyone else all day long..... I HAVE to have time to unwind. Have to have it. I need that lifeline.

So, for as long as I can remember, even before we had kids - I've gone to bed twice, almost every night. The hubby and I are on different time clocks - he's in bed by 9:00 every night. For a mom, at least one who needs some Me Time - that's practically impossible. Besides that, there's no possible way I can fall asleep that early. I just stare at the ceiling and my mind races - over things that are not conducive to sleep.... lists for the next day, what I did or didn't get done today, joys or problems of the day..... etc. I have to unwind first.

So, I go to bed with the hubby, then about an hour later, after we've had some "quality time" together and he's fallen asleep, and I'm still wide awake, I get back up. I go downstairs where it's quiet, and I grab that lifeline.

It's the one time of day where it's just about me. I can unwind. Alone. No one needing me. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't give up the wife and mom part for anything - it's who and why I am - but I need that part of the day to do what I want, for me, with No.One.Needing.Me.

I knit. I watch TV. I just sit there and veg. I do nothing. Usually, though I knit.

So, last night, it's finally time to knit... I'm all excited because Icarus is FINALLY to the point where I'm done with all the repeats of Chart 1 and I'm starting Chart 2. But, first I have to put in that other important lifeline - the knitting lace lifeline. I've been knitting this sucker forever, and now I'm getting ready to venture into the unknown of "Chart 2" - there's no way I'm going in without a lifeline.

I look for my tapestry needle to thread my lifeline, and it's not there. I look everywhere. I can't find it. I'm seriously about to cry. The fact that I have some extra knitting time and I'm not going to be able to knit - because I can't find the needle to put in the lifeline, and without the lifeline there's NO WAY I'm going forward - it just about snapped my Me Time Lifeline.

The hubby even looked at me, trying to figure out why I was in such distress. I NEEDED to knit, I needed to start Chart 2 of Icarus - had been looking forward to it all day, and I couldn't. Not Good.

Finally, after turning the couch literally upside down, I found a tapestry needle. Lifelines saved. Good to go. I could calm down. I put in the lifeline, and actually got the first row of Chart 2 knit.

I know it doesn't sound like much. One row. But, Me Time doesn't have to be about productivity, or hours of time.... last night it was barely an hour. But it was my time. My lifeline. I HAVE to have my lifeline.