Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Lifelines


Knitting is my lifeline. Well, to be honest - it's not as much the knitting (I can't believe I'm saying that outloud), as the TIME I get to spend knitting. It's the time. The Me Time. And, it's barely enough.

I hold onto that lifeline tightly. It saves my sanity.

It doesn't have to be a LOT of time, although I readily admit I wish there was more, but I HAVE to have my Me Time. Quiet time alone, when I'm doing exactly what I want, which can be absolutely nothing at all, but the key is I'm alone - and it only happens at the very end of the day, when everyone is settled for bed.

I'm a stay-at-home mom, with three kids, who also works out of my home - and all day long it's about someone else. Truthfully, that's as it should be. My first job is wife and mom. - but the point is, after it being about everyone else all day long..... I HAVE to have time to unwind. Have to have it. I need that lifeline.

So, for as long as I can remember, even before we had kids - I've gone to bed twice, almost every night. The hubby and I are on different time clocks - he's in bed by 9:00 every night. For a mom, at least one who needs some Me Time - that's practically impossible. Besides that, there's no possible way I can fall asleep that early. I just stare at the ceiling and my mind races - over things that are not conducive to sleep.... lists for the next day, what I did or didn't get done today, joys or problems of the day..... etc. I have to unwind first.

So, I go to bed with the hubby, then about an hour later, after we've had some "quality time" together and he's fallen asleep, and I'm still wide awake, I get back up. I go downstairs where it's quiet, and I grab that lifeline.

It's the one time of day where it's just about me. I can unwind. Alone. No one needing me. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't give up the wife and mom part for anything - it's who and why I am - but I need that part of the day to do what I want, for me, with No.One.Needing.Me.

I knit. I watch TV. I just sit there and veg. I do nothing. Usually, though I knit.

So, last night, it's finally time to knit... I'm all excited because Icarus is FINALLY to the point where I'm done with all the repeats of Chart 1 and I'm starting Chart 2. But, first I have to put in that other important lifeline - the knitting lace lifeline. I've been knitting this sucker forever, and now I'm getting ready to venture into the unknown of "Chart 2" - there's no way I'm going in without a lifeline.

I look for my tapestry needle to thread my lifeline, and it's not there. I look everywhere. I can't find it. I'm seriously about to cry. The fact that I have some extra knitting time and I'm not going to be able to knit - because I can't find the needle to put in the lifeline, and without the lifeline there's NO WAY I'm going forward - it just about snapped my Me Time Lifeline.

The hubby even looked at me, trying to figure out why I was in such distress. I NEEDED to knit, I needed to start Chart 2 of Icarus - had been looking forward to it all day, and I couldn't. Not Good.

Finally, after turning the couch literally upside down, I found a tapestry needle. Lifelines saved. Good to go. I could calm down. I put in the lifeline, and actually got the first row of Chart 2 knit.

I know it doesn't sound like much. One row. But, Me Time doesn't have to be about productivity, or hours of time.... last night it was barely an hour. But it was my time. My lifeline. I HAVE to have my lifeline.

18 Comments:

At 8:18 AM, Blogger duchessofgravity said...

what is it about tapesty needles? i have like 10. i know because i remember buying them. but i can never find one. they should be in my notions bag but they are not. ever. i understand about the knitting. i feel the same way. i get too stressed. i shut down. and i knit. take care love!

 
At 8:27 AM, Anonymous Isela said...

It is a good system you have going. "Me" time is necessary, especially when you are at home all day with the kiddos. I love that you have quality time with hubby. I should employ something of the kind...my hubby also goes to bed early.

Tapestry needles...well, they are always lost. I think they all go and have a party.

 
At 8:49 AM, Blogger Charity said...

I completely understand what you're saying. I think we all need that "me" time, especially when our day is so busy home with our babes. I know for me, I had the blues horribly after my youngest, which is when I started knitting. I really believe it helped save my sanity.

 
At 8:51 AM, Blogger shizzknits said...

Amen, sister!

 
At 9:01 AM, Blogger Jenn said...

My family calls it "Jenn time" and if I go several days without any, look out! I think it's really important for all of us to have some down time - sometimes I mandate that we all go to "our corners" for an hour and just be quiet. It's so nice, and I really feel like it restores all of us. Enjoy your lifeline!

 
At 9:14 AM, Blogger Sonya said...

I need the knitting time too. We dropped our dog off this morning at the vet for his neutering. Anything with Shane is stressful; he's thrashing around in the back seat, we have to wrestle him into the kennel at the vet's, just exhausting.

Luckily I had my knitting with me and in the mile and half from the vet to the library, I knit. And all was well with the world again. Well, maybe not for Shane. But I felt a lot better.

 
At 9:20 AM, Anonymous Beth said...

I can totally relate to needing time alone. Mine usually comes late at night, too.

 
At 12:34 PM, Blogger Stephanie said...

I am the same way. I have to have at least 30 minutes of "me time". If I can't knit then I need to read. If the reading is late, I usually fall asleep.

 
At 1:40 PM, Anonymous Rebekah said...

Thre's a void where all tapestry needles go to hide, I'm sure of it.

I still have a couple of repeats to go on Icarus before chart 2, but because I'm knitting it larger, I want to do 7-8 repeats instead of 5. At least, although it's boring, it's calming and repetitive.

 
At 1:52 PM, Blogger Karen said...

That one row sounds like a lot to me. Running a lifeline and completing a row is the best way to cap off a day.

 
At 2:09 PM, Blogger Chris said...

I am so with you on Me Time. Hubster just doesn't get it. But he has 35 mintues one way to work and then back. Solitude is what I crave most of the time. Just being alone and not being talked at/to/about. Now knitting time is for the Tuesday night knit togethers. But Me Time does yield a lot of knitting too.

 
At 4:58 PM, Blogger Jennifer said...

I have to have that me time too. I've been too exhausted to stay up past hubby though. Maybe I should try to do it once a week though. It's a good idea.

 
At 5:07 PM, Blogger Cherice said...

I always have a tapestry needle or 10 stuck to a magnet on the refrigerator door (weird, I know, but I can find them), I also keep at least one in an altoid mint tin in my knitting bag (but I still find myself looking for them).

Being a stay at home mom, I feel your need for "me" time. Often, if I get up and go downstairs after the hubby has gone to sleep, he'll eventually wander around looking for me. Sometimes I just sit in bed and knit (he is NOT allowed to critize how late I sit up ;) )

 
At 5:58 PM, Blogger Shelley said...

It might have only been 1 row, but it's all because of that darned tapestry needle! It stole your precious knitting time - shame on it! I'd tell you to give it up for adoption, but then you wouldn't be able to put those lifelines in...unless you were to find one that was more willing to be obedient and stay put where you left it...

 
At 8:11 PM, Anonymous StarzAbove said...

Amen to that! Here's to Me Time!

 
At 6:34 AM, Blogger amylovie said...

I think a lot of people consider their knitting time their "me time". I know I have to have it. If I don't....watch out family!

Amy

 
At 9:49 AM, Blogger miss88keys said...

DH & I have the same routine. He goes to bed at 9pm & I stay up and knit. My dirty little knitting secret though, is I stay up & knit while watching TIVO'd reruns of Little House on the Prairie. I would never share this with a non-knitter though -- they wouldn't understand.

Glad to hear you found your tapestry needle to start your lifeline. I completely understand the desperation you were feeling -- been there, done that!

 
At 12:12 PM, Blogger Chris said...

I love the tie in between knitting being your lifeline and your knitting needing a lifeline. :)

 

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