Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Accountability

Oy.... the little weight loss ticker. I figure if it's up there for me to see constantly... .and for you all to notice, maybe it'll help me get my act together. I've also posted a graph in the upstairs bathroom, right above the scale, where *gasp* even the hubby can see all the sordid details.

When I try to diet quietly, on my own.... well, it hasn't been working. I need accountability. In many areas of my life. So, if I put it out there.... it's more in-my-face.... harder to ignore.

I don't want to be va-va-voom.... I don't want to draw stares, I don't want to be provocative or wear sexy stuff for the attention. I just want to put on clothes in the morning and be comfortable.... say, "yeah, that looks good," and not give it a second thought. I want my husband and kids to be proud of me because I'm healthy, and do stuff, and don't hide.

Right now, I tend to hide.

I love clothes, I love fashion, I LOVE my InStyle magazine.... but you'd never know it by looking at me, at least when I'm overweight. I tend to wear boring, drab clothes so no one notices.

However, I've noticed lately there are a LOT of things I want to buy, or knit, or wear, but never would in my present "state" because I feel self conscious trying to look fashionable, while looking dumpy at the same time. It's really starting to bug me. So, while this really doesn't have a lot to do with knitting.... I have a big 'ol list of stuff I want to knit, but never would wear on this old body I've got going on now. I've got to get healthy, get to the gym.... find some muscles.

It's just me. I SO admire people of ANY size who dress fabulously and fun and sexy, and just want to look great, and KNOW they look great. But me, I just don't have that drive when I'm not comfortable with my body.

I just want to be healthy, slimmer... for ME, for my kids, for my hubby. I just want to look in the mirror and not especially say "oh yea baby!!!", but not say "ugh...."

So, it's out there. If that little ladybug doesn't move.... get on me, say "what's the deal", anything. If I know other people can see the progress, or lack thereof, I think I'll be more motivated. I plan to move that little lady bug along EVERY Monday.... and hopefully not just let it sit there in the grass, immobile.

I don't want to end up immobile.

27 Comments:

At 12:06 PM, Blogger duchessofgravity said...

i completely understnad i need to do the same thing. i keep telling myself i'll just wait until...and until never seems to come. where can i get one of those ticker thingy's? i'd like to get on track too! go girl you can do it!

 
At 1:01 PM, Blogger Jenn said...

Love your ticker! You're so brave to put it out there - I need to do the same thing - I keep saying "one of these days I'll get off my butt" and I just keep knitting. You go girl!

 
At 1:24 PM, Anonymous Lynne said...

You are a brave, brave woman to put that ticker up there! I can identify a thousand times over. Several weeks ago, I was in bed, my husband snuggled up behind me, and I had my knees drawn up, with my hands between my thighs (just warming them!) I felt the back of my thighs and they were very flacid and moving. I actually had my husband pull back the covers and look...and all he could say was..."I can't make you get out of the chair at night, miss knitter."

 
At 1:45 PM, Blogger Jen said...

Good for you for asking for help to get your butt in gear. I'm sure there's more than a few drill sargeants out there to help you along. I admire you wanting to get healthier for yourself and for your kids.

Knitting doesn't help. I wish we could all be like Wendy and be able to knit up a storm AND go to the gym to see the side show every day on the bike. As it is, I'm trying to look at my knitting time as my reward for getting in a half hour of exercise that day. We'll see if that works.

 
At 1:59 PM, Blogger Ruth said...

if only we could knit and be on the treadmill at the same time!!! i've actually been pushing myself to go to the gym too - which helps me because i do my quiet times there too (self-care time for me - physical and spiritual!). but yes, accountability really helps! you can do it!! =)

 
At 2:50 PM, Blogger LC in Sunny So Cal said...

I know you. You'll knock it down. I remember a while back, when I asked you how you'd lost so much weight, because you look fabulous (and still do) and you said "Lots of Prayer!"

Carry on.

 
At 2:52 PM, Blogger Lynda said...

Linda - yep, prayer. When I hand it over to God, like everything else (when I FINALLY let go and let Him!) - it works.

 
At 3:10 PM, Blogger KnitPastis said...

Your a cutie to me! Hugs!!

 
At 4:57 PM, Anonymous jillian said...

You can do it! You are certainly brave to put that ticker up!!

 
At 5:33 PM, Anonymous heather said...

I sit here, this moment, with my bowl of vanilla ice cream covered in caramel sauce, after a good long jog. Harumpf. I feel the same as you, I hate that I've put on weight, and the way I look in my clothes. I have no self control when it comes to sweets. :)
Good luck to you Lynda, you can do it! I know you can.
Maybe I should join you. But first I'm going to finish my ice cream.......

 
At 5:48 PM, Blogger Shelley said...

Girl...we are so on the same wave length here. I need the accountability too and that is partially why I put the ticker on my blog as well.

I, too, want to knit so many nice things that would look better on a smaller body. For example, in one of my knitting magazines (I forget which one off hand), there was this really pretty shell and cardigan set that I thought I'd like to make....however, they only have the pattern in sizes small and medium. Even when I lose the weight I don't think my frame is small enough to fit a medium...well I suppose it depends if it is a large medium or a small one...you know how some sizes are out of whack...anyway, I'm looking to lose more than you. Though the weight I want down too (at my smallest about 11 years ago) people told me I looked too thin...

 
At 5:50 PM, Blogger Karen said...

I know you can do it, I know you can!!!! Get to the gym every day - I truly believe that exercise is the key. It will take a while before you go from forcing yourself to looking forward to it - but it will happen. And the better you feel, the more inspired you'll be to eat healthy. I know you can do it!!!

 
At 7:21 PM, Anonymous erin said...

Lynda, you're so clever with these techy details! I'll be cheering you on. I know exactly what you mean, I haven't worn my smocked waist sweater yet because the tummy right now just isn't "ready" for it :)

 
At 7:23 PM, Blogger Mom (a.k.a. Mary Ann) said...

I'll be cheering you on as the ticker moves across the screen. I know you can do it.

 
At 7:39 PM, Anonymous Beth said...

I know exactly how you feel. I really want to knit Green Gable, but I think it would look better on someone with less flab than me. You and Linda are right - to make big changes we need God's help. I'll pray for you.

 
At 9:10 PM, Anonymous Jeanie said...

Lynda!!! I think you're beautiful JUST the way you are!!! But. If you think you need to be healthier than I'm all for that. You know... I've been hearing a lot of good things about Pilates... I'm thinking about looking into that myself! I could sure use some toning up especially with summer just around the corner!

 
At 3:26 AM, Blogger Sonya said...

I'm with you, Lynda. I lost 30 lbs. a couple years ago and about 20 have crept back on. Stupid pounds! It's such a subtle thing but looking in the mirror and being happy with what you see can make such a difference.

 
At 8:51 AM, Blogger Talitha said...

Lynda, you can do it! I'm good at giving people a good kick in the butt when they're doing things that are unhealthy for them, so I'll make sure to do it graciously should you need. {But you won't ;)} Make sure you drink extra water, cuz although it hydrates the fat cells making you look bigger it will help your body get rid of them eventually. Can you handle spicy food? If you can, you should incorporate more of it into your diet it's good for kick starting the ol' metabolism. I've got a lot of these tips for someone who's never had to use em :s. Now I feel bad.

 
At 10:20 AM, Blogger Sharon in Ireland said...

You are a very brave lady putting up that ticker. I wish you well having lost weight, gained weight, lost weight, gained weight, lost weight and currently gaining all of my losses I know how difficult it is. Go for it!

 
At 10:54 AM, Blogger Katie said...

You're strong, Lynda! I know you can do it. Back when I did WW a few years ago, I set little goals with rewards (non-food) for myself. Like, a new pair of shoes after 10 lbs. lost. A cute sweater. And I got a new pair of Bolle sunglasses when I hit my ultimate goal. Sometimes it just takes the right combination of circumstances for me to commit to something--and it sounds like you're there. Prayer will definitely take you the rest of the way. Best wishes!

 
At 12:51 PM, Blogger Holly said...

I am fairly sedentary myself. For the past 9 yrs I've been either pregnant or nursing or both so my metabolism is still pretty good. That may end soon since baby is leaving nursing behind this month!

Sooo, since I can't stick with exercising, I got dance videos for Christmas last year-much more motivating! It hardly seems like exercise :~)

 
At 8:41 PM, Anonymous amanda cathleen said...

Go Lynda!! you go grrl! : D

 
At 10:32 PM, Blogger Wendy said...

Oh you Miss McSpazzitron...I was just thinking about how I could lose a few pounds before the In-laws (and sister in law, Ms Hoity Toity) arrive. Oy!

 
At 10:35 PM, Blogger Wendy said...

And to you, Miss Lynda, you look great, anyway! I know you want to lose some l-b's but just know that you are fab no matter which way!

 
At 10:36 PM, Blogger Wendy said...

...because I've seen you recently and you look fantastic (ok. Do you think I have left too many comments in a row, now?)

 
At 4:48 AM, Blogger amylovie said...

I think I may use the Dublin Bay pattern for my Yarntopia socks. Lilly's look so great.

My husband calls me Lovie (hence the Amylovie). My girls answer to Pudding.

Amy

 
At 12:34 PM, Blogger Chris said...

Good for you!! I like to be in ok shape (no gym rat here, thank you) and, having been about 50 pounds heavier than present when I was in grad school, I can totally relate.

 

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